Heart Talk

When our family moved to Thailand to work with minority language groups, my husband and I were introduced to a book by Christopher G. Moore called, Heart Talk. This book is like no other on the study of the word, *jai 'heart' in the Thai language. It is a fascinating read for anyone doing any kind of cross-cultural writing because it provides insight not only into "love" emotions but into most of the emotions expressed by Thai people.

In this book there are over 700  jai words/phrases that the Thai people know and use constantly. Whether it's talking about positive emotions or negative emotions, good character traits or bad character traits, right choices or wrong choices, the word or phrase usually includes jai. It is no wonder the author calls it, "the central metaphor in the Thai language."

Let me share a few of these "heart" words to help you understand how differently the Thai view life. There are some words that cross over culturally such as jai-yai 'heart big' in referring to a generous person, or jai-sing 'heart lion' in referring to a courageous person. However, there are many that are surprising and sometimes even opposite of how westerners think. For example, jai-nooy 'heart small' doesn't mean a stingy person. It is referring to someone who is highly sensitive emotionally, who is easily hurt or offended by others. Kin-jai 'eat heart' is a verb meaning, "to impress" in a good way; Or, jai-phra 'heart monk' referring to a person who is extremely compassionate and forgiving; Or naam-jai 'water heart' referring to someone who takes into account another person's feelings. This last one could be translated to mean empathy or sympathy in English but in Thai there are two totally different jai words for those feelings. Are you getting the picture?

But I must mention one of the most used jai words: kreeng-jai 'awe heart'--a word that is almost untranslatable into English. Moore calls it, "the heart of hearts of the Thai culture and class system.":

"The phrase reflects a rich brew of feelings and emotions--a mingling of reverence, respect, deference, homage and fear--which every Thai person feels toward someone who is their senior, boss, teacher, mother and father, or those in powerful position such as a high-ranking police officer."

It takes the author 1 1/2 pages to define this type of patron/client cultural system and even then he confesses that it goes so much deeper. Our western culture find this a difficult concept to grasp. Often we are more jai dii phii khaw 'good heart, ghost enters'. Anyone care to guess what that means?

I focus on this book because it is a reminder of what happens when we come in contact with other cultures--how my eyes were opened to their culture and thus I looked at my culture in a new way--and how through it I became more of a TCA in the way I began to view the world. And it made me more aware than in a world that is becoming smaller every day, where we interact with other cultures on a daily basis, a book like this can help us see the world through different eyes and then help us show love to others in a whole new way AND share Jesus' love in a whole new way too.

*Unfortunately, due to computer incompatibility, I could not mark tone on the Thai words.

Cereal Overload

In 1992 my husband and I arrived in the Philippines with our three children, all under the age of 5. That reminds me, sometime I need to write about flying. But today I write about food surprises.

We lived very simply in the Philippines, especially when we were out in the village. Breakfasts were especially simple. During language school and when on the Wycliffe centre we had access to bread so we could make toast. Even then, though, there were few boxed cereals--corn flakes and maybe rice krispies. But out in the village there was nothing and I learned how to make very yummy granola in a cast iron frying pan. It became our staple.

Before going overseas, and in our first year overseas, we were required to read a certain number of book on culture, cross-cultural living and the different stages to expect when adjusting to life in a different culture, especially a third-world culture. It was good reading and helpful. However, when we returned back to Canada, we were given little to read regarding the reverse i.e. culture shock in the return.

I remember going grocery shopping for the first time upon return from the Philippines. There were changes, of course--new foods, new brand names. Nothing surprising. THEN I turned my cart into the cereal aisle. I remember freezing in my tracks. Cereal. Cereal. Cereal. A whole aisle--two rows--all devoted to cereal. I was overcome. It was a shock to my simple-lifestyle system. I cannot explain my emotions in that moment--fear, claustrophobia, sadness, shame, disdain. Just negative emotions. I just remember I was too overwhelmed to even look at it all. I quickly picked two cereals I was familiar with and got out of there.

The next time I went shopping, I prepared myself for the emotional onslaught and spent more time perusing the cereal aisle. I was okay. I could breathe. I learned to adjust to this small outcome of living in an affluent society. But even now, there are times I enter the cereal aisle and am reminded of that day and a tinge of emotion ripples at the bottom of my gut. It lingers still.

The Smell of Shrimp Paste

 Today I write because I'm homesick--not homesick for the little town I grew up in but homesick for Thailand. I've started an assignment for an English course I'm taking called, "Creative Non-Fiction." My writing prompt is to write a story about being ambushed by a smell. Think about it. This happens to all of us--you enter a room filled with a certain smell and it takes you back to a place in time. Well, the smell I am writing about is typical of a TCA because it is the smell of shrimp paste wafting into our house from the neighbour's house almost every morning like clockwork. The smell assaulted me with memories that occurred in that house for 7 years of our lives as a family--especially morning memories when the smell was pungent in the air. Mostly mornings of trying to get the kids ready for school--mornings of loud arguments with my daughter who hated mornings, mornings of hunting for school uniforms, whether skirts or pants or even sports teams, mornings of trying to get my son to eat a little something before heading out the door. 

 Admittedly, these memories make me sad because I was often so impatient, so unkind--a reminder that I was and sometimes still tend to be a control freak. I've learned much about myself in that area in the last 7 years and am thankful that God is gentle and kind and patient with me and with my relationship with my children. I was so far from being the perfect mother and yet God protected these relationships and caused them to grow and flourish in Him so that despite my past failures, I have beautiful connections with my kids. I feel so blessed.

There were also happy memories mixed with the sad ones. MANY happy memories. Our dog Rosie would almost always make us smile in the morning as she attempted to attack our cat, who wanted nothing to do with the dog. I think Rosie was a morning dog and our cat, Kitty, was a night cat. Two opposites clashing in the morning like my daughter and me. But also memories of eating together, celebrating birthdays and holidays together, playing games together. Lots of love and good times.

And so I am homesick, all from writing about the smell of shrimp paste. Nothing triggers the TCA syndrome like food. Sometime I'll have to write more about that. But not today. And now that I've written here, I feel joy instead of sadness and am thankful for the gift of memory. God is good.

I recently read an article that I found thought-provoking on life overseas and saying good-byes. It's worth sharing so here is the link.

http://www.alifeoverseas.com/outlawed-grief-a-curse-disguised/?fb_action_ids=10151782189960936&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=[702236749800456]&action_type_map=[%22og.likes%22]&action_ref_map=[]

I never thought of the sadness over saying good-bye to people AND places as grief--but it is. Calling it grief helps to better understand the emotions and accept them for what they are. I have experienced this grief for myself but, as a mother, it has been harder to see my children grieving, because I feel like I am partly responsible for their grief. It was not my children's decision to live and work overseas. The calling was placed on my heart long before I was even married. This is definitely a part of being a TCA and a parent of TCKs.

That being said, I have learned to rest in a God who is gentle and loving and kind. He does not leave my children alone to deal with their grief alone. He understands their hearts and He understands my heart. He has an answer for any guilt I have felt as a TCA parent because the guilt is not from Him. It is from the enemy who wants to prevent me and my children from living abundantly and in freedom. So, I leave the guilt burden at the foot of the cross and He willingly takes it and replaces it with peace. And I leave my children in His care, like the Great Shepherd that He is in taking care of His sheep. It is and has been a process but through it all I have come to a greater understanding of how much He LOVES us. He LOVES us. He LOVES us. He LOVES us. I am still so far from understanding how much He LOVES us but the process is beautiful and I rest in His love.

In September I attended my first Inscribe Writer's Conference. I enjoyed it for a number of reasons but mostly because it spurred me on to get back to my writing and blogging. I've been writing more, mostly poetry which I am really enjoying. However, it took me until yesterday to truly figure out what to do with my blog. You see I was suddenly inundated with information on what makes a good blog, and I was almost embarrassed by my blog. So, I attempted to update it but still wasn't happy with it--there wasn't any unique perspective to it. Then last night it hit me. Well, the Holy Spirit gave me the idea while I was reading Eternity in Their Hearts by Don Richardson. I had read the book before I went overseas. Now it had a totally different meaning because I connected with his stories, his examples. Heck--I've LIVED with some of those examples. Then the idea hit me--why couldn't I write about that? About, how I see the world, especially the world I grew up in, after living away from it for 20 years. How do I see the world around me differently? In some instances, my change of viewpoint is drastic. In most instances, it's very subtle. Most of the time I don't even notice it unless I make a conscious effort to think about it.

I realized that, like my children, I also "grew up (not physically but mentally, emotionally and especially spiritually)" in a cross-cultural setting. So why is there no term for someone like me? Thus, I coined a term: TCA--Third Culture Adult. That's me. I like the term. I like who I am. I like how I see the world because what I've learned, I've learned through living a life of faith in my Father God, the Lord Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. How exciting and beautiful is that!

Here is my disclaimer: In no way am I unique in being a TCA. I know there are many of you out there. I am just simply writing about it from my perspective.